“To listen well, focus on what your spouse is saying without thinking about how you’ll respond.”

In a healthy marriage, you will notice that healthy communication is key.

When we reconciled, we made a promise to take time daily to talk. We have carried this through for the past 10 years. We look forward to our time, after a busy day, to sit with each other and “hear” each other.

This is not a time of competition, but a time of love and understanding.

For myself, I find it a time of bonding. I try, and sometimes miss the mark, to listen. Listening is a skill that needs to be mastered. I try to focus on his words and discern whether I need to HEAR or do I need to RESPOND. There are conversations that we don’t need the other to fix a situation but to only listen.

Have you ever just sat, listened, and been comfortable with silence? The gap in the conversation can be so powerful. The gap or silence is a time where one can process thoughts. If we are not comfortable with the silence, we tend to fill it with words that may not help the other person. It is important to be still and wait for the thought process to be completed and then hear the response. When we feel we need to interrupt or finish their thoughts, we could find conflict or misunderstanding.

Another important part of conversations is asking questions. When we ask our spouse questions and actually pause to hear answers, we can learn so much about them. It is dangerous to only want to talk about self. It leaves the spouse to believe that they are not as important.

“Healthy assertiveness means choosing the right time and blending love and truth as we speak.”

James 1:9 Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry.

We all feel the need to be heard and valued. But, if it’s with the ‘me first' attitude, it can become a time of strife.

Learning how to communicate your needs or wants is a lifelong classroom. Our spouses were not created to fill all of our needs. Do they fill some needs? There is no doubt, but not all of them. There are needs that only Christ can fill. Presenting our needs to Him first will help us be more aware of what He can fill and not expect our spouse to fill or meet.

Husbands, your wives cannot read your mind. You have to be able to open your mouth and express your needs and thoughts. We, as women, need this from you.

Wives, we need to respect our husbands. Throughout Proverbs, the scripture tells us that a nagging wife isn’t acceptable. But, that a gentle quiet spirit is of great value. I know that is a value that I am constantly working on.

Healthy communication will keep the weeds out of your garden.

My heart's desire is to see marriages flourish. I have seen what healthy communication will do when love is the driving force.

We can do this together.